My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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