Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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