I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
