Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
