I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think people are normalizing furries
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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