Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
