i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
