my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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