its not stalking. its research.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
