I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
