Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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