woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize