I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
