She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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