That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
