watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
