Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
