is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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