SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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