Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
