At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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