I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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