Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
