Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
