Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
