Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
