Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
