Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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