its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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