I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
