Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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