I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
