New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
