dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
