You're so nebulous sometimes
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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