Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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