He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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