Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
