I cockslap morals
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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