I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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