i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
