no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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