I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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