Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
