I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
