I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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