I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found puke in my bra..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
