Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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