She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize