I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
