1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
