Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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