I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
