You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
