Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
