i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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