respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
