I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
