Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
