I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
