I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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