I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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