Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently you make a good broom.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
