you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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