please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
