i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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