a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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