Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
