did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize