Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
