God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
