I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He? As in you personified your dick?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
