The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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