I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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