i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
