i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize