I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
