the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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