Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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