u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
