This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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