I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
