Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
