I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
