She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
