I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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