I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
