No stitches, just platelets and will power
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
