All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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