I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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