Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
