I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
