Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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